Hostile Training Environment

Strike First.
Strike Hard.
No Mercy.

We don't build confidence. We replace it with aggression.

Enrollment Open
SWEEP THE LEG / FEAR DOES NOT EXIST / MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK / STRIKE FIRST / NO MERCY / SWEEP THE LEG / FEAR DOES NOT EXIST / MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK / STRIKE FIRST / NO MERCY /

Top Students

Miguel

  • Determined
  • Aggressive
  • Mercy

Hawk

  • Intimidation
  • Hair Power
  • Chill
Top Pick

You (Soon)

  • Potential
  • Anger
  • Bad Decisions
The Main Event

All Valley Tournament

01. Quarterfinals

  • Cobra Kai vs Weak Kid
  • Cobra Kai vs Crying

02. Semifinals

  • Cobra Kai vs Honor

03. Final

  • Cobra Kai vs Everyone

Comparative Analysis: Enemy Dojos

Metric Cobra Kai Miyagi-Do Everyone Else
Aggression MAXIMUM Please Stop Low
Mercy None Too Much Accidental
Winning Guaranteed* Moral Victory Rare

*Guarantee void where rules are enforced

Dojo Merch

Bestseller

No Mercy Tee

Removes empathy

$29

Strike First Hat

Blocks sunlight & doubt

$24

Official Gi

Sleeves optional

$99

Enroll in the Dojo

Karate Training $0.00*
*Emotional damage billed separately upon completion of training.

By enrolling you waive mercy, logic, and your kneecaps

Legal Stuff (Read Never)

Liability Waiver
By entering the dojo you accept all injuries including but not limited to bruises, broken bones, emotional damage, and character development.
Code of Conduct
There is no code. Win.
Refund Policy
No refunds. No mercy. No questions.